I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
