There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
