And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
