It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
As shirtless as possible
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
