My brain says no but my pants say off.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
