i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
