Did you just see the Batmobile???
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
