I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
