he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
