we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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