They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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