New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
