Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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