Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
