hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
