its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
