Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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