What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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