You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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