Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
