i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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