i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's rum buckets o'clock
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
