Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
