3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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