I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
