I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
