Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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