brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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