Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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