You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
