That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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