somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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