i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
