So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
