I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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