I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
