Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
