We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
