Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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