my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
