Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
