She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
