My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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