Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
