her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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