WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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