White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
