You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
