I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
