i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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